1. Be a Student of What They are Learning

It’s an age-old problem—one that begins to plaque us around the time adolescence hits and, if we aren’t careful, follows us around the rest of our lives. It is the question of who we are—what makes up our identity, what defines us, what makes us, us.But imagine if, instead of wrestling with these questions in the complexity of adulthood, we started to tackle them in the formative teenage years? What if we took a good, long, hard look at some of the foundational questions during the years that shape us more than any others? Who am I? Where do I belong? What is my purpose? We are going to begin to scratch the surface of identity tackling the difficult to ask—and even more difficult to answer—questions that ultimately end up defining who we are.

2. Be a Student of Your Student

When it comes to parenting styles, everyone has an opinion. And while we could all stand to show more grace towards one another when navigating our role with our kids in this tricky stage of life, I think we can all agree there are some things we may be in the habit of doing that are good and some things that could be quite detrimental. Mickey Goodman, in a recent article tells stories of kids who upon arriving to college and receiving a less than satisfactory grade, had their parents call the professor to try and negotiate the score. But he doesn’t stop there. He goes on to relay the story of a parent who actually accompanied their child on a job interview. Yes, a job interview. Would you be surprised to learn this young woman did not get the job she applied for?

These may be fairly outrageous examples of parenting, but according to Tim Elmore, founder and president of the non-profit group Growing Leaders, they may be more disturbing than we realize because they represent a growing trend among parents. Hovering. Over-involvement. Intervening. They are evidence that a genuine attempt by parents to protect kids has evolved into something actually harming and stunting the growth and formation of a child’s identity. Which isn’t to say this is a parent’s intention. But however pure the motive, the result is not a good one. In other words, when we parent out of fear of what our kids may experience without our intervention, the actions we take as a result can have debilitating results.

It probably doesn’t take much prompting for you to remember the day you brought your child home from the hospital. The fear and terror combined with the overwhelming sense of joy and responsibility is enough to send anyone into an emotional tailspin. As parents, from day one, we have the engrained and prevalent instinct to protect our children—at all costs. But what more studies and psychologists are finding, the cost is actually the long-term wellbeing of our child. In an attempt to make sure our kids grow up safe, grow up protected, grow up secure and grounded in their identity, we are actually keeping them from growing up at all, leaving them ill-prepared for the actuality of the real world. So when it comes time to actually leave the nest, we are sending out kids with no real sense of who they are and no real skills on how to figure out life’s difficulties for themselves.

In other words we are raising kids not just sheltered from some of the harmful influences of culture, but kids sheltered from the realities of life—who don’t know disappointment and failure—and as a result don’t know how to recover from it when they do encounter it. And we are parenting this way for the sake of our own peace of mind. Tim Elmore says it this way. “We are consumed with protecting them instead of preparing them for the future. We haven’t let them fall, fail and fear.” In fact, you could say, we have done the fearing for them—allowing our personal apprehensions to dictate the way we parent, keeping our kids from learning valuable life-shaping lessons on their own.

And so, I wonder if we would do a better job as parents if we first dealt with our personal fears—be they well-founded or not—choosing to keep our fears from governing us and dictating the method and mode of our parenting. I wonder if we learned to take a deep breath and step back, if we just might be surprised, pleased and proud of the people—or maybe more appropriately, the adults—our teenagers are becoming—even in spite of us. And I wonder, if we learned to do this, what message it might send to our kids about the promise and hope they can find in themselves without our intervention, and if they would be more empowered and equipped to handle the world as a result.

3. Action Point

I think we would all admit that one of our biggest parenting faux pas come when we try to live vicariously through our children—trying to fix what was wrong circumstantially for us or in us by the way we treat and raise our offspring. The problem is, when we do this, we still don’t’ end up “fixing” ourselves and oftentimes we end up “breaking” our kids in ways we didn’t expect. So use this time with your teenager to create an honest dialogue over your own fears, personal shortcomings and hopes for them and give them the space and time to do the same.

• Share with your teenager the fears you have for them. (Think specific—not just the really “obvious” or “big” fears. Think of the every day fears that may not seem that big to anyone else but drive you and your parenting.) Can you think of anything from your own personal experience as you grew up that caused you to have this fear for your child? How has your personal fear dictated the way you parent?

Family psychologist John Rosemond says this about encouraging our children and their dreams. “It’s time we tell them that doing great things starts with accomplishing small goals.”
Does it seem like a scary thing to allow your child to do this? What are some of the big goals you have in mind for your child? Does the way you parent encourage or hamper their big dreams? What are some of the small, more attainable goals you can set for them—that don’t scare you to death, but also give them a proper perspective on what is required to make their dreams happen? Ask your teenager what are some of the big dreams they have for themselves—and ask them what are some smaller attainable things they can begin to accomplish now that will help them as they strive for these bigger goals. How can you help them make this happen without over stepping your bounds and doing too much?

• Ask your teenager if there are things they see in your parenting that are really just your fears being played out. Are there areas they feel stifled by you? Are there areas where you are too controlling? (Try not to feel judged or defensive if they do have something to say.)
• What can you do as a parent to better support them and equip them as they journey towards discovering who they are and who they want to be?

Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org.

Today we served most of the day with a chainsaw crew from Oklahoma.   We had to quit early because of rain.

 The forecast the next several days calls for a lot of rain. I’ll keep you informed. Stay tuned.

We’ve arrived safe in Joplin. We are staying at FBC Joplin.  We are watching the KU game tonight at the church.  Tomorrow we are planning on helping a chainsaw crew with cleanup.  

Sounds like we may get a lot of rain.

Thanks for your support.

Joe

Hey,

We are leaving for the mission trip at 2:00 on Sunday afternoon.  Please be at the church at 1:45 so we can leave on time. I will post a message on our website CornerstoneStudents.com when we get to Joplin.  If I’m able to, I plan on posting a short note each night recapping what we’ve been up to.

Your student will need to bring $20 for the Mission Trip as well as money for two (2) meals.  If they want to bring extra money they can.  If money is an issue please talk to me.

What to bring:
• A good pair of work gloves – preferably leather
• Hand tools such as a hammer – if you so choose
• Old clothes – i.e. ones you don’t care about getting dirty or torn. Additionally, it may be warm, but jeans are a must. Your legs will get cut up quickly without them.
• Closed toed shoes – Ones that cover your entire foot. Front, Back, Top, and Bottom
• Casual / Recreation clothes – Our evenings are free.
• Bible, pen, and a notebook
• Personal grooming articles (Soap, toothbrush, toothpaste, comb, deodorant, etc.)
• Bedding – Sheets and/or sleeping bag, air mattress
• A good attitude

If you have any questions, just send me an email.

Thanks again for the support you’ve given me and the ministry,
Joe

1. Be a Student of What They are Learning
We’ve read the story year after year. We know that Jesus was crucified, placed in a tomb and resurrected on the third day. And this is important! But when we take a look at the bigger picture of Scripture we see themes and images that come up again and again to shed even more light on the significance of the Easter account. Just like reading a good book or watching a gripping movie, we understand that the author is trying to turn our attention to something greater than the story itself. Over the course of this series, we look at a few key themes in Scripture—Bread, Water and Blood—to help weave together the greater story of God’s love for us. To take the power of the Easter story and allow it to shine in those places where we need provision, security and redemption.

2. Be a Student of Your Student

Over the course of this series, we have talked about the idea of themes; those things that come up again and again, whether in a good book or movie or even just in our day-to-day lives. And as we’ve learned, certain words or themes within particular stories in the Bible can trigger something that might remind us of another story, showing us how God’s Big Story connects, especially as it relates to the Easter story. But these themes occur in our everyday lives as well.

We as parents experience things that trigger us to know when our teens are happy or excited about something—and when they are anything but! Our students notice our triggers as well. Your student probably knows that when you pick them up from school late, slam the door when you come home from work or forget to check on them after their set curfew, that something is up.

And these triggers, these cues, are definitely something to look for in our teenagers. Especially for those middle school and early high school students who are still in a world of “egocentric abstraction,” which means that they may be trying on multiple personalities to figure out just who they are. And these triggers give us a clue into how these different sides of our students come together as they try to figure out who they are. And while this may be scary for us and seem like anything but normal, it is really just a natural part of their process of defining who they are—of shaping their identity. But does this mean that we just give them complete space to figure it out on their own during these very complicated years? No, it means we listen. And sometimes, the best way to listen to a teenager—no matter what age—is as much about hearing what they say as it is about hearing what they don’t. So, we want to provide an opportunity for you to sit down with your student and talk about some of these triggers, first allowing them to give you a glimpse into the things that clue them into your mood and next, having a dialogue about the things they do that tell you about how they are feeling.

3. Action Point
As you and your student sit down, remember to keep this conversation light. This isn’t a time to start probing into your student’s life to look for deep, dark secrets. Rather, it’s a chance to connect in a mutual way and start a conversation about the way that we often communicate how we feel without saying a word. It’s a chance to create empathy, both from you to your student and from your student back to you. So, as you answer the questions below, allow your student space to be honest and practice listening to what they are saying with their words, as you both figure out what you say from day-to-day without using words at all.

Questions from Parent to Student:

• What are some things I do that tell you that I’m in the following mood: Rested, Content, Stressed Out, Enthusiastic and Agitated?
• What do you usually do when you sense that I am stressed out or agitated? How about when you sense that I am rested and content?
• What is a word or a phrase that we can come up with for you to say to me when you are picking up on one of my negative triggers that worries you or makes you upset and you want to be able to talk about it?

Questions from Student to Parent:

• What are some things I do that make you think I am sad, overwhelmed or upset? (For the Student to Answer: Are the triggers that your parent or guardian noticed pretty accurate? Do you feel like they are picking up on what you do when you are sad or upset?)
• How do you know when I am happy and everything is going well?
• What is a word or phrase that we can come up with for you to say to me when you are picking up one of my negative triggers and want to be able to talk about it?

Thursday, January 26

8:00 AM to 9:00 AM

Lawrence High School

Get a free breakfast from the Cornerstone Student Ministry. 

We’ll have a table set up near the flag pole outside LHS. Come by and get a donut and some juice before school on Thursday morning.

Over Spring Break Cornerstone Students will go on a mission trip to Joplin, MO.  On May 22, 2011 Joplin was struck by an EF5 tornado.  The tornado killed 160 people and caused nearly 3 billion dollars worth of damage.  

The dates of the trip have not been finalized, but it will be the week of March 19.

More information coming soon.

You are encouraged to bring your 7th-12th grade students to the KNCSB Youth Worship Arts Camp.  We are offering a variety of breakout tracks for participants in an effort to reach students with a variety of interests.  These tracks are also designed to help strengthen existing ministries or to give you and your students ideas on how to begin these ministries in your own church.  Tracks include:

• Bass Guitar
• Choir
• Drama
• Guitar 101
• Intermediate Rhythm and Lead Guitar
• Keyboard
• Photography
• Praise Band
• Rhythmic Movement
• Signing Music
• Song Writing
• Technical
• Worship Team

If you would like additional track information, please click here.

DATE: March 9-10, 2012

LOCATION: Webster Conference Center, Salina, Kansas

COST: $30 per person (includes a pizza fellowship following the Friday evening session and lodging at Webster Conference Center; Saturday breakfast and lunch.  Remember to bring a sleeping bag or bedroll and all personal toiletries.

REGISTRATION DEADLINE: February 24, 2012
click here for registration forms; here for a medical release form; here for a sponsor form)

CONFERENCE SCHEDULE: Registration begins at 7:00 p.m. in the Chapel.  The conference begins at 7:15 p.m.

For more information contact the Church Music and Worship Department at 785-228-6800.

We start our next series February 1.

Schedule:

• February 1 – The Others
• February 8 – Beautiful Mess
• February 15 – Up Close
• February 22 – The Experience (More information coming soon)

This Wednesday we start our next series, “Lost in Translation”.

Schedule:

• January 4 – Belief
• January 11 – Righteousness
• January 18 – Salvation
• January 25 – The Experience (More information coming soon)

1. Be a Student of What They are Learning
We’ve all used words while being a little uncertain of the actual meaning. But when it comes to words like “belief,” “righteousness” and “salvation,” our understanding makes a huge difference in how we live our Christian faith and how we view God. So, we’re going to take a look at these commonly used words and figure out not only what they mean today but what they meant to the writers of the Bible thousands of years ago. And, in doing so, our aim is to let these new definitions teach us more about all God has for us and wants for us. In other words, over three weeks we are going to take what may have been lost in translation and recapture and rethink it in a way that could transform us in ways we never imagined.

2. Be a Student of Your Student
In the summer of 2008, Notre Dame sociologist Christian Smith conducted a study which interviewed 230 young adults from across America. Columnist David Brooks summarized those findings in a recent article in the New York Times (“If It Feels Right …” September 12th, 2011). Smith’s findings revealed that young people don’t have the vocabulary to talk about issues of morality. In other words, when it comes to talking about morality and the meaning of life, young people generally find themselves at a loss for words to describe what they know and how they feel. As Brooks writes in his article, “The interviewers asked open-ended questions about right and wrong, moral dilemmas and the meaning of life. In the rambling answers, which Smith and company recount in a new book, ‘Lost in Transition,’ you see the young people groping to say anything sensible on these matters. But they just don’t have the categories or vocabulary to do so … It’s not so much that these young Americans are living lives of sin and debauchery, at least no more than you’d expect from 18- to 23-year-olds. What’s disheartening is how bad they are at thinking and talking about moral issues.”

For those of us who are invested in the lives of young people, this information can be a bit unsettling. But, we can also see it as a challenge to help our students by teaching them what the Bible says about who they are and what their lives are purposed for—by giving them the vocabulary to talk about these issues with clarity and thoughtfulness. As Brooks says, “Again, this doesn’t mean that America’s young people are immoral. Far from it. But, Smith and company emphasize, they have not been given the resources—by schools, institutions and families—to cultivate their moral intuitions, to think more broadly about moral obligations, to check behaviors that may be degrading. In this way, the study says more about adult America than youthful America.”And this is where we as parents pick up the challenge to help our students develop a vocabulary for the story of their faith journey.

While many students may not be able at this point to truly deal with the abstract ideas of “belief,” “righteousness” and “salvation,” there will come a time when they will be able to wrestle with these concepts and really understand their meaning in a way that will impact their understanding of the Christian faith and their lives. So, as you talk to your teen about what they are learning, keep in mind that we are sowing the seeds of a greater understanding of both their faith and who they are created to be.

3. Action Point
Stories are one of the greatest teaching tools we have to reach our students. One of the most powerful ways for us, as parents, to teach our students the power of faith is for us to share our own faith story with them. For some of us, our faith story is filled with lots of drama. For some, our story is one we haven’t really spent that much time considering before. For others, our faith story began when we were very young and has been a consistent narrative throughout our lives. Whatever your story, it is important that you share it with your student. Let them peek into your own journey and find some common ground. This may not come naturally or easily, but as you stumble through it together, keep in mind that your vulnerability is one of the most effective tools in furthering your child’s personal spiritual journey. Here are some tips to get you started:

• Be sure to do this on your student’s timetable so that they are the most willing to listen and take in what your story has to offer.
• Pick your teen up from school for lunch or coffee and make a special date out of telling your story. Your student will enjoy the special attention and the break from their normal routine.
• Find a time when both you and your spouse can share your story in a relaxed environment, such as around the dinner table.
• Above all, remember that no one has more potential to influence your child’s relationship with God than you do. Being intentional with your student and making time to talk is a valuable resource in building relational trust and walking with your student through their faith journey.